accents: follow your lead

The ease of our nightly routine these days make me wonder if the hardship of our girl's early days really existed or if they were only a figment of my imagination. I remember distinctly the around the clock every two hour feedings and the lack of sleep that resulted with from it. There were days when I had to will my body to go to sleep at 8pm because I knew that I would have to be awake during the hours the world sleeps. As vivid as these memories, they seemed to have happened a lifetime ago, because nowadays come nine o'clock, my girls eyes beg for a bed and as soon as it is found I know she would be out until the morning.

Over the weekend, an extremely busy, tiring but fun weekend, my girl goes down to sleep every night like a light, not needing much comfort from this equally tired mama. On Sunday night, as I set the alarm clock for the following Monday morning, my tired baby was stirring in her attempt to put herself to sleep, she sat up in her slumber with her eyes half opened, her hands frantically searching for something. I reached out to try to sooth her back to sleep and instantly when she found my arm, she took it, wrapped it gently on her torso with my fingers resting comfortable on her cheeks, and she went back out. I stayed that way for the next 30 minutes with her, needing to stay like that more for myself than for her.

My big girl, somehow over a span of the last week, learned exactly how to communicate what she wants. Almost as automatic as the day she turns one, she exhibits behaviors suiting of her new big girl status. She is opinionated, she is talkative (in that baby mumbo jumbo way). And in the midst of all the craziness of the day of a mom who also works full time, I am validated by these simple instances where I am sought for comfort to finally put a tossing baby into deep slumber. I provide that comfort, and it is only made possible with trust that is built over time. She counts on me. She seeks out for me. She needs me. I have been there, and trust is built.

Being a mother has by far been one of the hardest yet easiest journey for me. Trying to figure out the language of an infant is hard but they are also so easy to forgive mistakes. For the most part, I realized that most often times, if I listen closely and follow her lead, we both have an easier time figuring each other out. I wish I can say the same for some of the other tasks in my life...

::I carry the struggle of a working mother every single day with me. Some days, the battle raged bigger than others. For instance, I took Lia in for her 1 year check up recently. Unbeknownst to me, she got a slew of shots that left my heart ached longer than her aching thighs and arms. Consequently, it left her super fussy. Next to us, there was another mother in the same situation, and out of the corner of my ears, I heard her negotiated with her son that if he would just put up with it a little longer, they will go to the park afterwards and have some fun. I couldn't hold the same negotiation with my girl because right after that, I get to drop her off to grandma and off to work I go. It broke my heart.

::August is a new month of celebration, filled with births, of new ones and of old ones. Our girl went to a pirate-themed birthday party and made a mighty fine pirate herself...

and a duck...

and a pig...


::first time playing with a finger puppet and she got such a kick out of it. She's so curious and the things that bring her joy these days really made me think twice about what brings me joy at these days and age. I am humbled by her discoveries, and my own discoveries.


::I discovered this summer that my girl loves a great many things, some of which being water and animals.

She was trying so hard to call the ducks to come to her.

This coming Saturday, we will host her party. I'm excited for all the planning to come together and a celebration of this special time in our girl's life, and in our lives.